Doubting Rachel

“Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me." Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
Matthew 14:22-33

I was doubting,

in the moment, when God wanted me to wait expectantly for the morning.

I was doubting,

in the present, while living on the cusp of a promise.

I was doubting,

in and through desire, desire for what God wanted...but in my way.

I was doubting.

I was doubting the Words He spoke over my life, as I slipped into the sea. I was doubting the Truth that poured from His gaze, as I took my eyes off of Him.

I was doubting, not just what He was calling me to do in the moment, but everything He had ever spoken to me. When I doubted what He spoke, I was doubting His character. When I doubt His character today, I doubt who He was in the past, who He is in the present, and who He will continue to be in the future. Our God is eternal. Therefore, as I was doubting, I was doubting all He has ever given to me, done for me, and worked through me.

The beautiful thing. The most wonderful thing. The thing that astonished me profoundly.
God "immediately reached out His hand and took hold of him." God's response to our cry for help, even as we are doubting Him, is immediate.

Peter, the rock, literally lost his footing. He believed the lies the wind was whispering. He believed in the strength of the storm. He looked down and and saw the powerful waves being tossed and blown by the wind. He didn't lose his footing because of the storm. The storm was present before he walked on water and the storm was present after he was pulled back up onto sure footing. He didn't lose his footing because of the storm, although THAT is what caught his gaze as he took his eyes off of Jesus. "He saw the wind." It wasn't the wind that made him lose his footing. Let's not blame the serpent. The wind didn't make Peter do anything. The wind is at the will of God.

He was afraid.

I was afraid.

I was afraid the promises were too good to be true. I was afraid to believe and be wrong. I was afraid I had listened to God incorrectly. "Did He really tell me 'Come', or did I just make that up? The wind was blowing pretty loudly." I was afraid for myself. I was looking out for myself. I lost my footing because I stepped away from my Rock. I doubted because I let fear seep in. I stopped looking Love in the eyes and I let fear sink deep and sank deep into it.

Up to this point, Peter and Jesus are still out, far away from the boat. In verse 29 it says that Peter came to Jesus. It doesn't specify how long he walked. But he did walk. Therefore, he was not directly next to that boat. But the verse following the moment when Jesus asks Peter, "Why did you doubt?", describes Peter and Jesus getting back into the boat.

How do you think they got back to the boat? I think they walked. I think they walked back together to that boat.

I have doubted my God.

Through my fear and doubt, He has glorified Himself. He has made it clear to me that He is to be trusted. He called me. He let me doubt him. He let me cry out in fear. He immediately grabbed me. He left no more room for doubt. No more room for fear. I don't know when I'll have an opportunity to walk out on the water again, but I know I will do more than respond to the call. Whether it's tomorrow or on Friday, my God wants me to walk in faith; faith that leaves no room for doubt.

If you find yourself doubting our great God, He can handle it. He longs to reveal Himself to you even more undeniably during times of doubt and uncertainty. Just remember where to take your doubt, who to reach for when doubt threatens to overtake you. Take them to God. He will walk with you back to the boat of faith and certainty. As the well known song says,

You called me out upon the water
the great unknown, where feet may fail.
And there I find you in the mystery
in oceans deep, my faith will stand.
So I will call upon your name
and keep my eyes above the waves
when oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace
for I am Yours, and You are mine.

Keep your eyes on the calmer of the storm. He is greater, stronger, and absolutely secure. Take your doubt and worries to Him, and He will speak peace to the storm.

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