At Any Cost


Please Jesus, let that ring be in my mailbox. Please. I just need it to be there today.

Prayers I pray on the route 7 bus from super south Seattle to my door in very north Seattle. I’m typing this as I ride in fact.

By the time I walk into my door and let little Lincoln puppy out of his crate, I will have been commuting for roughly two hours. Two hours of busses (standing room only) and highways and light rails and city blocks all for two minute stop. This two hour commute in addition to my one hour commute this morning that began at 6:30 AM and a very long event day that ended about 12 hours later. All to drop off a stack of thank you cards.

Did I mention I had to cancel an orange theory class at the last minute which will deduct a nice little sum of $13 from my bank acount. The second one this week since my dog being attacked warranted another missed class and a $450 vet bill yet to be reimbursed by the other dog owner.

I just really really need that ring to be there. To speak to the deepest layers and aches of my heart the way that pink Dell laptop once did on the seventeenth of September so long ago.

at
any
cost

That’s what the ring will say. I know because I chose it. Custom designed and ordered it. I know because that phrase has been beating in my heart and resounding in my head for a good long while now. Back in December when I asked God for a phrase for a ring that I could wear to remind myself of what I’m actually promised to. Not a boy, not a romantic love story, not to waiting for any of that. Simply what He has asked of me—obedience—to carry the cross He sees fit for me.  To the passion for ending slavery he has set in the fabric of me. To the woman He has created me to be, and to that alone.

at
any
cost

That’s the phrase. The one that will drive me. The one I want to see every day on my promised finger.

The one that will force me to ask myself on the daily what that really means. What cost is too high for me? What cost wil he ask of me? How much will I be willing to pay?

A $13 Orange Theory cacelation fee?
A 2.5 hour commute?
My evening?
All of those at once?
My weekend?
A love story?

Can I put the ring on without accepting the cost—any cost—like for real?

I think the answer is yes. I think that when I put it in I will do so unaware of all that I’m signing up for—I think that’s mostly the case any time we say yes to Jesus. But I think I will put it on wholeheartedly wanting to accept the ask, and learning every day how to do it. And I think that’s okay. Because I’m willing. I’m willing to pay any price to be more like Him, who He’s created me to be, and to live out whatever He calls me to. I’m so willing.

But I’ll need His help. I’ll need Him to make me brave and bold and stronger than I ever think I can be. I’ll need Him to be enough when I’m afraid he’s not and everything when I feel I’ve got nothing.

And He will.

And a tiny ring will remind me so.

And so I can say,

at
any
cost




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